I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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