you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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