I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
