Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
