Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
