I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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