I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
