i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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