you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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