3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
