New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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