so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
