i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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