Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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