doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
