Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
