Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
tell me about the eggs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
