based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
