i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
