Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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