If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
