True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
