I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
