i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
