Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
soo... how was my night?
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