Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
