Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
