Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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