Got a toothbrush?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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