I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i think i just lost a toe
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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