fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
