dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
