handjob tips. give me some.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
