Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
