just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
