It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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