hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
