I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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