did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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