I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
