Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
