there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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