i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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