We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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