I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
