Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
