He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize