No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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