We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
