If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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