around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
