there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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