im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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