You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
