made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Randomize
