Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
