I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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