Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
