Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
