i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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