Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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