O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
