i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We are two peas in an std pod
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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