If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
