We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
