do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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