Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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