did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
