Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
we're so committed to being not committed
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
