And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize