If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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