We won't sleep together?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
