Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
