dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
