Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
