How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
