I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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