Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
