out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
